Mending the Relationship
After Infidelity

No marital issue can cause a more intense emotional pain than infidelity. Considered as the greatest of betrayals, infidelity can undermine the foundation of the relationship and the marriage. For some, the betrayal of trust is too much and the kaleidoscope of feelings can be difficult to manage. As the initial shock subsides, the pain, anger and depression after infidelity may be too much to bear. Often, hasty and irrational decisions follow, including ending the relationship.

While some spouses don’t see the value in fixing the marriage, more are forgiving and hold on to the belief that marriage vows are sacred and forever. For these couples, the benefits of security and an intact family are more important than the broken vows. According to psychologist Michael S. Broder, authentic healing is possible after infidelity, so that a stronger relationship with a deeper level of intimacy can emerge after the tumultuous event.  Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of marriage.

Recognizing Your Own Feelings

If you’re the betrayed spouse, your initial response may include confusion, jealousy, revenge, hurt and anger, and your initial reaction is to end the marriage. It’s simply unimaginable to have a normal relationship with someone who has violated your trust. Your rage may increase with the image of your spouse in the arms of a lover. Resentment is an understatement.

If you’re the betrayer, you’re very likely to feel shame, frustration, guilt, and remorse. The emotions felt by the betrayed spouse are more known, but few are aware that you’re hurting, too. The mistake can make you feel embarrassed, inferior, unacceptable and inadequate. Marital infidelity can indeed breed a myriad of negative feelings, leaving the spouses stunned and profoundly wounded. Whether you’re the victim or the betrayer, infidelity can greatly affect your health, wellbeing, and the overall quality of life for everyone involved.

Infidelity Can Have A Happy Ending

Infidelity can happen in happy relationships as well as in troubled ones. Admittedly, not every marriage rocked by infidelity can or is worthy to be saved. Sometimes, there may be too much damage done, or the couple lacks the commitment to mend the relationship. The good news is that marriages can be repaired. It is just a myth that affairs always spell the end of marriage. In truth, marriages saved after infidelity can become happier and do not have to end in divorce.

Recovery from the onslaught of unfaithfulness is a difficult and continuous process. Without adequate skills in resolving conflict, efforts to save the marriage may have no positive effect. Instead, more fights, hurt feelings, and unnecessary disclosures may result and cause further distress to the already troubled marriage. Those skills can be learned with professional help. Seeking marriage counseling can help put your marriage into perspective and equip you with techniques in rebuilding and strengthening your relationship. In time, both of you can learn to forgive, trust again, restore respect, and rekindle love for each other.

If you and your partner have the strength and determination to rebuild the relationship, the lifetime rewards can be a more stable and deeper partnership anchored on honesty and intimacy. The process of healing the deep wounds of betrayal, sadness, low self-esteem, mistrust, and sadness may be arduous, but it’s all worth the effort. After all the suffering and pain inflicted by infidelity, a new type of marriage awaits couples like you who are committed to mending your relationship.

Moving Forward to Rebuilding Your Marriage

No wound is more painful than the wound of the heart inflicted by the person who vowed to cherish and love you till the end. Unfaithfulness in marriage can be one of the reasons for that painful wound, and often the most challenging situation a couple can barely surpass. It is also a complicated issue that can be extremely difficult to discuss and seek help for.

Although the support of family and friends can be sought or advice can be sourced from self-help books during this time, it is more helpful to talk to a marriage counselor trained in helping couples mend their marriages muddled by infidelity. If you’re trying to rebuild your relationship from the devastation of infidelity, consider the expertise of the counselors independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC.

This is a difficult time for you, but there is hope – help can be sought from CCS. There is one right fit counselor who can help you navigate through this painful and confusing experience to heal from the damages wrought by infidelity. A safe, confidential environment awaits you to ensure your comfort as the nonjudgmental counselor helps explore all facets of your relationship to help you mend it.

We can work together so you and your partner can move forward to a stronger relationship. Feel free to call Caroline Counseling Services – Sanford, NC to schedule an appointment.

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