Is it Time to Talk
to a Marriage Counselor?

Conflicts are normal in even the healthiest marriages. Not wanting to be petty, you may ignore small disagreements; unfortunately, this is how most major tiffs start. Over time, minor concerns can become magnified into bigger issues.

Major issues do not just come like a “thief in the night.” Often, they build up right under your nose until an explosion is triggered, threatening the foundation of your personal union and everything you have worked hard for through the years—respect, trust, joy, and even love.

Is it too late to call in a marriage counselor for help? Maybe not, but the process will be longer and more painful if you have allowed conflict to significantly weaken the foundation of your marriage. The intensification of negative emotions can be prevented if you consider marriage counseling earlier. To do that, however, you should be able to recognize the signs that the time has come to talk to a marriage counselor.

What are the signs that your marriage needs attention and that counseling is needed?

Sign 1: You can’t talk without shouting or feeling frustrated.

Talking is an important tool for clarifying issues as well as expressing your love to each other. When you can’t talk anymore without feeling frustrated or angry, your relationship has no way to go but down. The breakdown of communication is a signal of unhappy days.

Verbal attacks or use of hurting words to get even or to dominate an argument is not good. It can hurt both of you as well as your children. Marital concerns can affect the whole family, breeding emotional issues—anger, frustration, guilt, anxiety, sadness, grief, etc.—for everyone.

Sign 2: You are caught up in a vicious cycle, arguing the same issues.

When you argue about similar things repeatedly, it is a sign that you have major unresolved issues. Bringing up painful past concerns is not healthy. You have to move on, forgive, and forget.

However, if you or your spouse can’t bring yourself to bury the past, it will continue to hound you. If the issues affect your relationship or your family, it is time to reopen them. Resurfacing the issues is like reopening the floodgates of emotion. It is easier if you do this with an experienced counselor.

Sign 3: There are secrets you keep from one another.

It is true that marriage does not require you to surrender your individuality. You still have your right to privacy, especially if it does not affect your spouse or family, such as in matters pertaining to work. However, family or marital matters should be shared with your spouse.

Intentionally keeping something secret is a sign that it can hurt your family. If sharing something is troubling you, and you fear it can cause serious complications, an unbiased counselor can help you.

Sign 4: You avoid intimacy or it suddenly becomes intense.

Physical intimacy in a marriage is important. More than satisfying a biological need, it is an expression of love. Thus, avoiding intimate moments may be a serious indication that your relationship is losing its stability. If your intimacy has suddenly become intense, it can also be a sign that something is off, because it can be an attempt to cover up an offense being committed outside the home.

Because intimacy is an important element of a marital relationship, do not delay seeing a counselor for help. A marriage counselor can help you sort out and resolve your issues so you can work on bringing romance back to your relationship.

Sign 5: You are often embroiled in clashes about almost everything.

Don’t we all gravitate toward the opposite pole? While little clashes can be romantic when you make up, they can wear you out in the long run. If even the most minor decision is argued about, if both parties want to win all the time, or if there is no more peace in the house and everyone is feeling distressed by the frequent arguments, it is not only the marriage that is at stake, but the whole family’s emotional health.

Parenting and money are two issues that couples commonly stress about. You can’t resolve these unless you agree or compromise on certain rules. If the rules can’t be established without conflict, it is time to seek help from a counselor.

Sign 6: You are proactive or eager to stay together as a couple.

Marriage counseling is a proactive stance that can make a marriage stronger. It can help resolve minor issues so that they don’t build up and steal the respect, love, trust, and joy that mean so much to both of you. If love has remained and you want to protect it from the effects of stressful conflicts, no matter how small they are, seek counseling. If there are issues that you worry will not be resolved, nip them in the bud early with counseling.

Counseling is not just for couples who are on the verge of separation or divorce. You do not only seek counseling to save a marriage or a family from disintegrating, or as a last resort in an unhappy union. It is for everyone in a loving relationship. It is first and foremost a proactive tool that should be used to keep a marriage happy and satisfying.

Keeping Marriage Strong with Counseling

Are any of these signs appearing in your marriage? If you want to wake up every morning and sleep every night happily with the person you are spending your life with, do something proactive for yourself and your spouse today. Call Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC.

If money is an important concern, know that marriage counseling can be covered under “Family Counseling” if you have insurance. It is generally covered when emotional symptoms meet the criteria for DSM-5 diagnosis and are contributing to your conflicts. In this case, marriage counseling can be regarded as medically necessary for the treatment of an emotional condition.

Like most things in life, a happy marriage is not an accident. It is something that you need to nurture for it to stay strong and for your home to be a haven of love, peace, harmony, and joy. Considering your differences, conflicts are inevitable. With the help of a capable and unbiased counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC, you can prevent minor issues from escalating into major clashes.

If your marriage is saddled with too many issues, call us—the sooner the better. There are many other things we can help with if you call. Find out more about marriage counseling from the other blog posts in this section.

We are looking forward to hearing from you!

Related Articles: