Mending the Relationship
After Infidelity

No marital issue can cause more intense emotional pain than infidelity. Considered as the greatest of betrayals, infidelity can undermine the foundation of your relationship. For some, the betrayal of trust is too much and the kaleidoscope of feelings can be difficult to manage. As the initial shock subsides, the pain, anger and depression that can come after infidelity may be too much to bear. Often, hasty and irrational decisions follow, including ending the relationship.

While some spouses don’t feel able to work on their marriage after such a betrayal, some are able to work through infidelity and come out stronger on the other side. According to psychologist Michael S. Broder, authentic healing is possible after infidelity, so that a stronger relationship with a deeper level of intimacy can emerge after.  Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of marriage.

Recognizing Your Own Feelings

If you’re the betrayed spouse, your initial response may include confusion, jealousy, resentment, hurt, anger etc. Your initial reaction may be to end your marriage. It may feel simply unimaginable to have a healthy relationship with someone who has violated your trust. Your rage may increase with the image of your spouse in the arms of someone else. Resentment is an understatement.

If you’re the betrayer, you’re very likely to feel shame, frustration, guilt, and remorse. The emotions felt by the betrayed spouse are more known, but few are aware that you’re hurting, too. The mistake can make you feel embarrassed, inferior, unacceptable and inadequate. Marital infidelity can indeed breed a myriad of negative feelings, leaving spouses feeling profoundly wounded. Infidelity can greatly affect your health, wellbeing, and the overall quality of life for everyone involved.

Infidelity Doesn’t Have to Mean the End

Infidelity can happen in happy relationships as well as in troubled ones. Admittedly, not every marriage rocked by infidelity can be saved. Sometimes, there may be too much damage done to mend the relationship. The good news is that marriages can be repaired. It is just a myth that affairs always spell the end of marriage. In truth, marriages after infidelity can become happier and do not have to end in divorce.

Recovery from infidelity is a difficult and continuous process. Without adequate skills in resolving conflict, efforts to save the marriage may have no positive effect. Instead, more fights, hurt feelings, and unnecessary disclosures may result and cause further distress to an already troubled marriage. Those skills can be learned with professional help. Seeking marriage counseling can help put your marriage into perspective and equip you with techniques to repair your relationship. In time, both of you can learn to forgive, trust again, restore respect, and rekindle love for each other.

If you and your partner have the strength and determination to rebuild your relationship, recovery is possible. The process of healing deep wounds of betrayal such as sadness, low self-esteem and mistrust may feel arduous, but it’s often worth the effort. After all the suffering and pain inflicted by infidelity, a new type of marriage awaits couples who are able to mend their relationship.

Moving Toward Rebuilding Your Marriage

Infidelity in marriage is painful and often the most challenging situation a couple can face. It is also a complicated matter that can be extremely difficult to discuss and seek help for.

Although the support of family and friends can be sought and advice can be sourced from self-help books, it is often more helpful to talk to a marriage counselor trained in helping couples after infidelity. If you’re trying to rebuild your relationship after infidelity, consider the expertise of the counselors independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC. Call today to get started. Online counseling sessions are available!

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