A lot of things can occur in a marriage that affect its overall strength and balance. While financial issues, responsibilities, trust, and caring for one another may be primary concerns, even the healthiest relationships can struggle because of grief and loss. Whether it is the death of a child, family member, a close friend, or a pet, grief can have a huge impact on your relationship.

Grieving in Marriage

The belief that the death of a loved one, especially a child, can be overcome easier by couples because they can rely on each other is not necessarily true. As partners, the two of you have a bond. Losing a child, however, is an experience where each of you must endure your own pain. Although you have lost the same child, the loss felt is unique for each person.

In grief, there is a profound sense of isolation and there is the tendency to focus on your own feelings, leaving you less energy to devote to others, particularly your spouse.  You may not be able to meet all the expectations of your spouse all the time, especially when you are grieving.

Many times, you may expect each other to relieve the pain for each other and when this doesn’t happen, you can begin to feel angry, resentful, hurt, or abandoned. Arguments over trivial matters can pile up and damage the strength of your relationship. Loss is difficult enough, what you may need now is to value, protect and strengthen your relationship. If you cannot seem to achieve this on your own, seeking counseling to stay strong as a couple in times of grief may be beneficial.

In the Aftermath of a Loved One’s Death

Even the best marriages can collapse under the stress of losing a loved one. Death can create a chasm deeper than many losses you’ve encountered.  After the loss of a child, many bereaved couples can experience serious marital difficulties within months following their loss.

The divorce rate among bereaved couples has been the subject of controversy after Harriet Schiff published a book illustrating that 75 percent of such parents eventually divorce. The study was challenged by experts until a survey commissioned by The Compassionate Friends found that only 16 percent of the parents divorced either because of the child’s death or due to marital problems present before loss. The majority of the respondents who reported to have sought counseling while grieving, stayed together or built a stronger relationship.

More than intense grief, the loss of a loved one can have another unexpected effect on your marriage. Death can alter the way couples feel about each other. Couples may experience communication problems or intimacy issues. Marriage is a delicate balance and after a great loss it may not be the same.

The Grief Experience

No two individuals grieve the same way, even when experiencing the same loss. Couples who have lost the same child will rarely have the same way of mourning because they likely shared a different relationship with their child. One partner may be very expressive about their feelings, while the other may choose to remain silent. One may demonstrate grief in more outward ways, such as crying, using work to avoid strong feelings, looking at photo albums, or watching family videos.

The intensity of grief can also come in different cycles for each person.  Some may grieve in their own way in private, and some may seem fine, then break down when something reminds them of their loved one. One spouse may find it more difficult to express grief openly, the other may be very emotional, and possibly resent the other for not “caring as much.” It may, however, become necessary to seek marriage counseling services to find common ground and ways to support each other.

Protecting Your Marriage in the Face of Grief

While grieving can be an uncertain time and your marriage may undergo many strains, including the possibility of divorce, know that you do have options. You and your spouse can actively work on your relationship together.  This can be done a lot more effectively with the help of a trained professional.  If not together, then maybe one of you can work on these issues as you allow your partner to grieve in his or her own way.

Even though grief can result in feeling alone, in time it can improve. The feelings of isolation can be eased by knowing there is someone you can turn to for comfort and strength. Apart from the despair and pain, you may be experiencing some new difficulties in your relationship after losing a child. There may be strong emotions you have not previously felt before, or different issues may arise, which may need new ways to resolve.

Many bereaved couples seek counseling to find strength and hope during times of grief. The right therapist for you independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC. Counseling offers an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding to help you express your grief and ease the burden it may be putting on your relationship. With professional grief and marriage counseling, you can protect and strengthen your marriage after the loss of a loved one. Call CCS – Sanford, NC now to schedule an appointment.

Related Articles:

• Releasing Yourself from Grief and Trauma with a Counselor
• Grief: Crucial Things You Need to Know
• Getting Help to Bounce Back from Grief and Trauma
• The Healthy Way to Help Children Process Grief
• Staying Strong As a Couple in Times of Grief
• Easing Teen Grief with Counseling
• A Child in Grief: Bringing Back The Smile
• Putting an End to Grief
• Grieving and Healing as a Family