Healthier Ways to Help Children Process Grief

Growing up is a continuous process of change accompanied not only by gains, but by losses as well. For young children, changes may involve school, making friends, relocation, divorce, or losing a loved one—all bringing new challenges that allow them to acquire new learning. Much as you want to protect your child from pain and distress brought about by loss, you may struggle to find the right words and ways to comfort them as they grieve.

Like adults, children grieve when they lose a loved one, whether a family member, friend or pet. Depending on the support they receive and how early childhood losses are confronted, children can be more or less flexible in managing the losses they’re bound to experience while growing up.

Children, however, do not grieve in the same way as adults. Children can manifest their feelings in less direct ways as they try to understand and get support from grownups around them. In times of grief, it is important for children to feel the closeness, care, reassurance, and guidance of adults to help them through their process.

How Children Grieve

Each child faces their loss differently and uniquely. Grief may vary depending on age and emotional maturity, the circumstances of the loss, and their relationship with the one they have lost. They may grieve just as intensely as adults, but be unable to verbalize their grief as eloquently. Although their understanding of loss is not be as sophisticated, it doesn’t mean they’re not experiencing grief.

The actions of children in grief speak a great deal about their emotions. They often mourn through their behaviors rather than words. Some tend to become destructive, while others may simply withdraw or act unaffected. Some may even try to disguise grief as if it is an embarrassing display of emotion.

Other signs may include changes in sleeping and eating patterns, exaggerated physical complaints like headache or dizziness, decreased self-esteem, and confusion. Grieving children may also become more emotional than usual as they wrestle with mixed feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, insecurity, depression, and anxiety. Often, children need help naming these feelings.

When a Child’s Grief Calls Out for Help

Grief is a normal, healthy, necessary process to come to terms with loss and adapt to it. However, it does not follow a straight path. Just when you think a child is back on track, something may come up to bring intense feelings back again.

While it is important to be aware of normal childhood responses to grief, parents should also watch out for symptoms that indicate a child is having difficulty facing grief. Some of these signs may include:

  • Extended period of depression
  • Loss of interest in things and activities
  • Significant weight loss
  • Preoccupation with death
  • Dramatic drop in school performance or refusal to attend school
  • Prolonged fear of being alone

If a child is engaging in unhealthy or negative behavior, it is helpful to seek the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor. If a child has intense feelings of sadness or anger that are interfering with their life, your child may be experiencing complicated grief. It’s time for healing to begin. Lastly, if the child, through words or behavior, appears to be asking more from you, or if their needs overwhelm you, counseling may be of benefit to you both.

Seeking Grief Counseling for Children

You may find it difficult to have the energy, patience, and wisdom required to provide the support your child needs, especially if you’re grieving the same loss. You may even agonize over what to say and do to comfort your child, afraid that you may do or say the wrong thing. You can’t take away the pain of loss, but there’s a way to help your child, and you.

You don’t need to do this alone, there are resources to turn to for help. Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC, contracts with therapists who can help your child work through grief. One of our experienced counselors can help your child express emotions and learn healthier ways to process their grief. Call CCS today to get started. Online counseling sessions are available!

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