Preserving the Family When Conflict Comes Knocking on Your Door

When it comes to family, occasional arguments and disagreements can be a common part of life. Conflict occurs in all types of relationships, especially between family members. Some disagreements may seem small and will resolve quickly, others can be more complicated and difficult to work through on your own. Many seem unresolved and may come up often when left unaddressed.

There can be a great deal of conflict when family members have differing views or beliefs, and this is inevitable. Not seeing eye to eye can become damaging, stressful, hurtful, and aggressive. While communicating in a positive manner can reduce conflict, the presence of strong emotions can make it difficult to reach a peaceful resolution. Sometimes, conflict can result from misunderstandings and unresolved issues resulting in resentment, anxiety, sadness and a variety of other concerning feelings.

Family can be one of our most important supports which can make it critical to address conflicts head on. Life can be complicated, preserving unity in your family may not come naturally, it’s okay to seek assistance. Family therapy can help.

 

Common Causes of Family Tension

Perhaps more than other relationships, family may provide its members a sense of belonging and a feeling of security, which can be threatened when conflict arises. Whether conflict begins from within or outside the home, each member and the family as a whole may experience a wide range of negative feelings and behaviors due to these disagreements. The following common causes of family conflict may trigger discord between couples, children, in-laws and relatives.

  • Finances and Jobs: Financial concerns, specifically the lack of money, can be one of the most common sources of family conflict. When a family experiences hardship due to unemployment, foreclosure or lifestyle change, members may find it difficult to maintain the status quo as finances dwindle and uncertainties about the future set in. It may drive parents or adult children to venture away from home and endure the challenges of being separated, while those who stayed often feel anxious, neglected or overwhelmed.
  • Sibling Rivalry: While rivalry can be a regular occurrence in families or blended families with more than one child, there can be the risk that sibling competition may intensify into outright conflict. Whether it is an attempt to gain more attention or approval from their parents, sibling rivalry can become long-standing and can rear its ugly head during family activities or events.
  • Parenting Style: Disagreement on the subject of child rearing and discipline may potentially become an area for family conflict. Parenting styles are largely dependent on the experiences of parents while being raised. As the differences in parenting style wildly vary, it may cause frustration and conflict between spouses, while the children get confused about whom to turn to during crucial times.
  • In-Laws and Extended Family: The jokes about in-laws can make it appear as a light subject matter. It is not a laughing matter when disagreements or misunderstandings occur with in-laws. It can prove challenging if relatives routinely interfere with decision-making and the lifestyle of the family. Conflict becomes an inevitable consequence.
  • Death in the Family: Losing a beloved family member is one of the most traumatic events a family may experience. Although sharing the same grief, individual members grieve differently, while the whole household suffers. Parents losing a child or siblings may become over protective of the surviving siblings. On the other hand, the death of a parent may cause children to argue among themselves and eventually cause division in the family.

 

Hallmark Characteristics of a Family in Conflict

Far from the idyllic families often portrayed in movies years ago, families where conflict resides have recognizable signs of relationship breakdown, including:

  • Poor Communication: If family members have difficulty communicating their requests to each other, misunderstandings often result. Communication is strained, ineffective, or entirely nonexistent.
  • Unpredictability and Fear: Fear is often caused by unpredictability of one or more family members. Unpredictability may be with regard to financial matters, emotional state, or reactions. This unpredictability can cause stress, anxiety and other unhealthy feelings for family members.
  • Control: When family members exert control over others, it can result in emotional “stunting” wherein other members may feel they are not entitled to an opinion or to live life according to their choices.
  • Abuse: Whether physical or emotional, any form of abuse is unhealthy. Abuse may occur between spouses, from a parent to a child, or between siblings.
  • Perfectionism: The desire to have a perfect family is a reflection of unrealistic expectations. This will inevitably lead to conflict and other kinds of toxic behaviors. It can also result in low self-esteem and may become self-perpetuating.

 

The Family Way to End Conflict

A family experiencing unresolved conflict will be faced with a variety of challenges. This can impact family members emotionally and behaviorally. Emotions can run the gamut from depression and resentment to domestic violence and substance abuse. When tension and emotions become too volatile, it may be beneficial to consider family counseling. Unresolved conflict may cause irreparable damage to family relationships, but it doesn’t have to.

Many times, families struggle to resolve conflicts alone. Working through conflict can be challenging. There is the need to take an early stance against the adverse effects of conflict to help find resolution and bring family members back together.

There is no need to wait until the conflict begins to dominate your lives and affect everyone in the family. Regardless of the underlying causes of conflict in your family, counseling can help. Carolina Counseling Services – Sanford, NC contracts with independent therapists who care. Conflict is inevitable in all relationships; however, it doesn’t have to be unhealthy. Call today to schedule your first appointment.

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